• Rashmi Nair

Am I not Feminine Enough?

What is Femininity according to you? I have had a unique childhood - which I never knew was different from the rest because that's how I imagined every household would be like. But damn, I was so wrong...so some background first...



Boycut - The whole childhood I have had a very straight boy cut - almost looked like Chubby Randhir Kapoor till my 10th Standard at least (As per family - me and my husband looked practically the same in childhood photos). Thankfully, got lucky in the facial hair department - so till date, cant really grow beard, moustaches and even eyebrows! (Talk about looking like Voldemort without eyebrow makeup!). I basically grew up with no restrictions - absolute freedom with the only ground rule to concentrate on studies and career - which I gladly did. Hardcore Chubby Tomboy - I literally have been asked on road once "Bhai Sahab - Yeh Apartment Kaha hain?" - and my mother standing next to me looked around wondering where is the Bhai Sahab - and I replied curtly to the gentleman with directions.


Mixed Culture - As simple as I can keep it - Mom (Manipuri) / Dad (Malayali), so Kerala meeting Manipur - was fucked up to a whole another level in a beautiful way! I can eat Sambhar with Rice - Mixed with Manipur Boiled Veggies and herbs along with Curd at the same time - Taste level botched up to Max Madness. Born and brought up in Delhi, I met my cousins from both sides on summer (Manipur) or winter (Kerala) holidays or some marriage occasions. So if you think I recollect all of their names - believe me I can't even remember some of their faces because of the complete disconnect. So as a family, we didn't have the strong relative influence of "LOG KYA KAHENGE" at all. Even if we ever did - first parents ignored. If parents did say something - then me and my brother completely ignored.


Culture & Religion - Technically, both sides Hindus - But since both my parents came from different culture and backgrounds... our temple has all idols and gods - even Sai Baba and some Amma or Swami from South (because we don't have enough Gods, right?) Including the trending Peacock and his feathers! We made our own customs and traditions when it came to festivals or the way we lived our life because there was never a hard and ground rule that this is the standard process and we have to follow it. Both parents pray a lot in their own style with the main crux of having good morals and strong consciousness as a family and we did whatever we felt like with complete freedom, to be honest.


With both working parents who were fully involved in building a business, as wild children to adults now - I and my brother have really independent nature, we have lived our lives with our own decisions - be it failures or successes and we do really speak our minds. Being the elder one, I may be way blunter when compared to my younger brother.


Post-school days stepping into Graduation and Post Graduation days - interacting with a bigger network of people and way more varied backgrounds at each level. I know today that I am extremely lucky and privileged to have such an upbringing. Over the years, I have been questioned by Men and sometimes even Women - as to why I act like a Man?


Having an Opinion - It kind of baffles me always as to why some people are so surprised - with me as a woman having an opinion - and I now understand the extreme privilege I have had my whole life where my parents always encouraged us asking questions and even questioning their decisions at times with solid reasoning. Why is it so hard to accept that - we can speak, we do think, our brains are not there to just entertain the opposite gender wishes. Why are we expected to play super dumb and act all cute just to please the opposite gender? Why cant we even ask questions - are we expected to be brain dead always. We as a human have a right to knowledge and curiosity as well - and for god's sake just order a sex doll if you can't even handle a simple conversation with a woman.


Behaving Like A Women - As per a kind gentleman (batchmate), I walk, sit, talk and laugh like a man. Bless that man but for his kind information, his IQ and EQ combined aren't worth a penny even. And No thank you, but we women are not on a ramp walk for whole life doing catwalk only, and yes, we find it equally comfortable to spread our legs and sit and Sorry, but no sorry - we love to laugh our hearts out - Overall, it's his problem so he has to deal with it. People who have such misconception should deal with them on their own instead of expecting us to change. Will be ironical, but seriously grow some balls!


Authoritative and Demanding - Career-wise - I am a no-nonsense woman. I give it back as I see it - so have heard people questioning - how can she talk like that? Isn't she being too bossy or too demanding! Forget that - in a bloody workshop - where colleagues write on your back - words describing you - The male colleagues wrote the same. Talk about having ego issues - it's somewhat ingrained in the male egos - mostly by their moms and their upbringings - that "Raja Beta" is most superior human on this earth and only "Raja Beta" can demand what they want.


Must Be A Lesbian - I wish man - I so wish! At times, I do wonder why I like dicks only and not pussies! Would love to love a Woman but I am sadly attracted to Men only! Being a strong woman doesn't mean we hate men. It simply means that we stand on our own ground and don't tolerate nonsense and douchebags who stand for such nonsense. And it's completely beyond gender, I have come across so many women with so many orthodox views that I believe they are responsible for their own sufferings and they can't help it - they have been brainwashed since childhood and they just can't think beyond it.


Must Be A Either a Slut or a Sexless Bitch - I have been a large woman my whole life but, I did go on several dates, did have 2 exes and few years of relationships before marriage and was definitely "not a virgin to be conquered on the wedding night" but damn - my husband was the first one to give a mind-blowing orgasm for the first time in my life when we started dating - So God, bless the boy! I speak openly about sex, be it family or friends - for me sex is life - its biological aspect of us humans which we can't simply ignore. I have had several friends who confide in me about their sex life or their sex issues just because I talk openly and don't mind discussing or advising or openly telling them to seek medical help if absolutely needed. It's our body and our life and we shall do whatever we want with it. For every individual, it's his or her own choice! As a matter of fact, a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina - if you can't accept it then you really don't understand your own body and IF you don't understand your own body - then WHO are YOU?


Damsel In Distress - I have no idea why the word Strong is associated with Men and Weak and Delicate is associated with Women. So If I am a strong personality then I cant be delicate enough to be a Woman? Agreed, biologically we are different but being a strong woman doesn't mean we are aiming for SUPERWOMAN and her powers. Neither being delicate or girly means - means we are forever waiting for our Knight in Shining Armour. And why in world are we teaching young girls to be dependent on another human being for her own happiness and young boys are taught to have Saviour Complex? Ever heard of Self - Love? First, know yourself and love yourself, be independent only then you can equally contribute to a healthy relationship.


In conclusion, we need to speak up and voice our opinions and views even more now, if you are holding yourself back thinking - you might be judged or you want to avoid confrontations then you are doing injustice to your own self. Stop being over critical about yourself, especially we as women are since birth taught to be guilty in some way or the other. Guilty for even living or dreaming. It aches my heart to see at times my friends suffering or someone in my relatives suffering or so many women in society just being endlessly submissive with so many burdens in life to the extent of getting raped as well. It burns my heart when I see so much hate and injustice happening all around me in this world.


To the whole society and parents, teach your boys to respect women. Make them independent - give both your sons and daughters equal household chores since childhood. Train them so that they can survive on their own. Give them the backbone to speak their own minds and fight their own battles. Teach Daughters how to say "NO" to things when needed and teach the Sons that "No Means No". Make your children see a woman as a human instead of a commodity waiting to be owned or harmed in some manner. Help children grow up as conscious human beings instead of brainwashed idiots. We need a better world for a better future.


This post is dedicated to my Mother - to the strong women who stood her moral grounds her whole life and fought all the hardships life threw at her and just grew even Stronger! No matter how many fights we have had or endless disagreements - she taught me how to be independent thinker, speaker and grounded human being. Cheers to My Mom! Love You!


#AmINotFeminineEnough #WhatIsFeminity #AmIActingLikeAMan #AmIManly #StrongWomen #IndependentWomen #SpeakYourMind

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